I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
