I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
