I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I have tasted many bathrooms
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
