Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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