I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Randomize
