I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Randomize
