Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Randomize
