Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
