Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
