did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Randomize
