I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
