I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
