you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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