I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I love how my cats smell like pot.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Randomize
