1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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