Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
