i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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