May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
