dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
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