32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
