Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
i out mim tonsoeep
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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