It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Randomize
