i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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