i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
