I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
