Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I deserve this hangover.
Randomize
