at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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