OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
