Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
