She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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