Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
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