one might say we're banned from that church
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Randomize
