Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
