go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
