I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
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