anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
