Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
