I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
your room smells of hookers.
And success
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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