is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
My vagina is officially offended.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
