I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
