Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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