dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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