Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
