It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
there is puke in my bra ... again
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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