You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
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