apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Randomize
