Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
