Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Randomize
