Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
