i just wanna soil my oats bro
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
