whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Randomize
