you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
