Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
