ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
