The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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