Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
