please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
how do flat chested girls get laid?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
