you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
