If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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