is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
