Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
