Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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