You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Randomize
