At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
