You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize