addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
