hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I currently don't understand fingers.
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