There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
