if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
